Pregnancy announcements and baby showers can be some of the hardest situations to face after experiencing a stillbirth. Whether it’s a close friend sharing their news or an invitation arriving in your inbox, it can feel like your heart is dropping out of your chest. Even when you see it coming, the emotions can be overwhelming.
If you’ve felt jealousy or guilt in these moments, know that you are not alone. Today, we’re talking about why it’s completely normal to feel this way, and how you can approach these situations with compassion toward yourself.
Jealousy and Guilt: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Many of us grew up hearing that jealousy is wrong or selfish. So, when that feeling hits after seeing a pregnancy announcement, it can bring a rush of guilt right after. You might think, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I’m a bad person for not being happy for them.” But feeling jealousy in this situation is a natural, human response. It doesn’t mean you aren’t happy for them or that you wish them harm. It just means that their news has stirred up your own pain and longing.
Give yourself permission to acknowledge your emotions without judgment. You might say, “It’s okay to feel this way. It doesn’t define who I am.” Allowing yourself to sit with your feelings without immediately labeling them as bad or wrong is the first step in processing them.
Being Honest About Your Emotions
If someone close to you shares their pregnancy news, it’s okay to be honest about your feelings. You can say something like, “I’m happy for you, but I’m also feeling a little sad for myself right now.” Or, “I’m so excited for you, but it’s also reminding me of my own loss.” Sometimes, being open helps bridge understanding and reduces tension. Chances are, they may have been nervous to tell you too.
Baby Showers: Navigating Your Comfort Level
When it comes to attending baby showers, it’s important to consider your relationship with the mom-to-be and your own emotional state. Is she a close friend or just an acquaintance? It’s okay to decline if it feels like too much. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If you decide to go, set boundaries for yourself. Maybe plan to arrive late or leave early if you need to. Having a supportive friend with you can make a difference. If the event becomes overwhelming, give yourself permission to step out and take a break.
Replace your guilt with self-compassion. Instead of thinking, “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way,” remind yourself, “My feelings are a natural response to grief.” You aren’t wishing anyone harm; you’re simply processing your own pain, and that’s okay.
A Personal Story of Growth
One of my clients struggled when her sister announced her pregnancy. The jealousy hit like a wave, and the guilt followed right behind it. She was terrified that these feelings would harm her relationship with her sister and her new nephew. Through coaching, she learned to stop judging herself for feeling this way and accepted that these emotions were normal. As her sister’s pregnancy progressed, she found ways to support her sister while also caring for her own grief. It wasn’t easy, but allowing herself to feel without self-blame made all the difference.
Give Yourself Grace
It’s okay if pregnancy announcements and baby showers feel hard right now. These feelings don’t define you, and they don’t mean you’re not happy for others. Give yourself grace as you navigate this journey. Over time, it will get easier, and there will come a day when these announcements don’t sting as much.
Take care of yourself, and know that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. If this post resonated with you or if you have your own story to share, I’d love to hear from you. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
