When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Punch in the Heart
If you’re dreading the approach of Mother’s Day, you’re not alone.
The world is bursting with cards, flowers, and smiling faces — but when your arms are empty and your baby isn’t here, it can feel like you’re the only one holding your breath through it all.
I want to share something I wish I had years ago — a tool I now teach all my clients — a gentle method I created to help you move through painful moments without being swallowed by them.
It’s called the HEAL Method, and it’s a powerful, portable way to work through triggers, waves of sadness, and those moments when grief sneaks up and grips your chest. And with Mother’s Day around the corner, I can’t think of a better time to walk you through it.
The HEAL Method: A Simple Way to Ground Yourself in Grief
Grief doesn’t ask permission.
It shows up in the grocery store, in a Facebook memory, or in someone’s careless question.
This method helps you pause, process, and find relief, even in the middle of a hard moment.
Let’s break it down.
H = Honor
This is your first step: honor what you’re feeling.
Grief isn’t something to hide or fix. It’s an expression of love — and it deserves space.
Instead of pushing it away or labeling it as “too much,” just stop.
Take a deep breath. Ask yourself:
- What am I feeling right now?
- Where is this coming from?
- What might have triggered this?
Even when you don’t know the answer right away, honoring the feeling gives it a place to go — instead of pushing it deeper.
I once broke down after seeing twin girls in a department store. It wasn’t planned. I didn’t expect it. But in that moment, my grief needed to be witnessed — not rushed away.
E = Engage
Once you’ve honored the feeling, engage in something that supports you.
This doesn’t mean “get over it.” It means reach for something grounding — anything that gives your nervous system a chance to breathe.
Here are some gentle options:
- Do a messy brain dump in your notes app.
- Step outside and feel the sun on your face.
- Touch a meaningful object, like a ring or necklace.
- Cry. Let the tears come without apology.
You’re not trying to “fix” yourself — you’re just showing up with love and presence for what hurts.
A = Accept
This is the hard one, I know.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with what happened. It means you stop fighting the truth that this is part of your story now.
You don’t have to like it.
You don’t have to be “over it.”
But you can accept that your grief walks with you — and you can learn to carry it without letting it crush you.
When we stop resisting our pain, we make room to breathe again.
This grief? It’s yours. But it doesn’t have to own you forever.
L = Live, Love, or Look Forward
In this last step, choose one small way to return to the present.
- Live by feeling your breath and grounding in your body.
- Love your baby by lighting a candle, saying their name, or writing them a note.
- Look forward by making a small plan — even if it’s just watching a show or texting a friend.
This is where grief and life hold hands.
You can be missing your baby and still choosing to live.
You can cry… and still feel proud of the way you love.
Why This Matters So Much on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is one of the most complicated times of the year for stillbirth moms.
And when you’re surrounded by social media posts, flower commercials, and well-meaning people who don’t quite get it, it’s easy to feel like you’re not “allowed” to grieve or be celebrated.
But you are a mother.
Your baby mattered.
And your motherhood deserves to be honored — no matter what that looks like this year.
You don’t have to smile if you don’t want to.
You don’t have to attend brunch.
You don’t have to “move on.”
You just get to be exactly where you are — and use tools like the HEAL method to make it through the moments that feel impossible.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re looking for more support, I want to invite you to my free workshop: “Surviving Mother’s Day” — held live on May 7 and May 10. I’ll be guiding you through ways to create a day that feels better, including what to say when people say hurtful things.
👉 Sign up here: jennifersenn.com/mothersday
Every step you take is a step forward.
Even the slow, shaky ones.
Try the HEAL method.
Let it hold you when grief grabs tight.
And remember — I’m here beside you, always.
