It’s one of the silent heartbreaks of life after stillbirth—watching your friendships fade awa
Maybe you’ve noticed the texts stop coming. The calls vanish. Invitations get fewer. And the people you thought would always be there suddenly… aren’t.
It can feel like a second loss. A confusing, painful one that leaves you wondering:
Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Am I too much now?
If you’re nodding your head, I want you to hear this:
You’re not imagining it. You’re not too much. And no, you’re not broken.
Let’s talk about why friendships change after baby loss, what it really means, and how to take care of your heart when it feels like you’re losing more than you already have.
The Unspoken Grief of Losing Friends
When I lost my twin daughters, I knew my world had stopped. What I didn’t expect was how fast everyone else’s world would keep spinning—without me in it.
At first, friends were there with meals, cards, and gentle check-ins. But then weeks passed. Months passed. And slowly, they disappeared.
It was heartbreaking. And confusing. Especially when I was already in so much pain.
The truth? Losing your baby doesn’t just change you. It changes your relationships too.
Why Friends Disappear After Stillbirth
Here are a few reasons this happens—none of which are your fault:
1. Grief Makes People Uncomfortable
Especially baby loss. Most people don’t know what to say. They’re scared to say the wrong thing, so they say nothing at all. That silence is deafening.
2. Your Pain Is Too Big for Them to Hold
Even people who love you might feel helpless. They want to fix it—but they can’t. So they quietly back away instead.
3. Your Lives No Longer Align
While your world shattered, theirs didn’t. That difference creates an invisible gap that feels impossible to bridge.
4. You Reflect What They Fear
For those in the thick of motherhood or expecting a child, seeing you might remind them of what could go wrong. It’s a painful mirror—and they may turn away from it.
It’s Not You. It’s Not Your Baby. It’s Them.
Please don’t blame yourself. I did that at first too.
I told myself:
“I’m the broken one.”
“I’m the sad friend no one wants around.”
“I’m just too much now.”
But here’s the truth I’ve come to understand—your friendships changed not because you failed, but because grief reveals who can hold space and who can’t.
Their silence does not mean:
- Your baby didn’t matter to them.
- You did something wrong.
- You’re unlovable or too much.
It usually means they didn’t know how to show up in the way you needed.
What One Client Learned About Her Friend’s Disappearance
I had a client once say, “It felt like I lost my baby and my best friend in the same season.”
Her best friend, who had been by her side through everything, suddenly ghosted her after the stillbirth. No texts. No check-ins. Not even on her baby’s birthday.
She was crushed. But as we worked through it, she realized something important:
Her friend disappeared not because she didn’t care, but because she didn’t know how to be present when she couldn’t fix it.
And that understanding didn’t erase the pain—but it did help her stop blaming herself.
So What Can You Do When a Friendship Fades After Loss?
1. Grieve the Loss of the Friendship
Because it is a loss. And it’s okay to feel hurt, sad, angry—even betrayed. Your emotions are valid.
2. Know Some Friendships Might Come Back
I’ve seen it. People who vanish might return, months or years later—with more maturity, understanding, or readiness to support you.
If that happens and it feels safe? You can welcome them back.
And if it doesn’t feel right? You don’t have to.
3. Focus on the People Who Do Show Up
Often, they’re not who you expect. Maybe it’s a quiet coworker. Or a neighbor who checks in. Or someone in an online loss group who just gets it.
Let those connections nourish you. They matter more than the ones who left.
4. Keep Your Heart Open (Even if It Feels Risky)
After my best friend passed away from cancer—just months after my rainbow baby was born—I stopped letting people in. I was so afraid of getting close again, only to lose them.
But healing happened when I softened. When I dared to connect again.
Because yes, some people leave. But others? They stay. They hold space. They remember your baby with you.
Things to Remember:
Not everyone is meant to walk every part of your grief journey with you.
Some people will leave.
Others will surprise you with their quiet loyalty.
But none of it defines you.
You deserve friendships that feel safe. Grief that feels witnessed. A future that still holds meaning.
And they are out there. I promise.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
