As a pregnancy loss recovery coach, I’ve encountered many emotions that come with losing a baby. One of the most surprising and uncomfortable feelings is jealousy. Even if you’re not typically a jealous person, dealing with baby loss can bring out unexpected feelings of envy.
My Personal Experience with Jealousy
I remember my first bout of jealousy after losing my twins. It happened while I was still in the hospital:
- I felt jealous of mothers who lost their babies earlier in pregnancy, thinking they were “lucky” to avoid the pain of advanced pregnancy loss.
- I envied the new mothers down the hall with their crying babies.
- I resented women who seemed to have easy pregnancies, even if their lifestyles weren’t ideal.
These feelings were overwhelming and mixed with grief, shock, anger, and sadness.
The Prevalence of Jealousy
Suddenly, I found myself surrounded by reminders of what I’d lost:
- Pregnant women and new babies seemed to be everywhere.
- Baby announcements and pregnancy complaints felt unbearable.
- I struggled with seeing others plan their futures around their expected babies.
Why Jealousy Happens and What to Remember
It’s important to understand that feeling jealous is normal after baby loss. Here’s what I wish someone had told me:
- Your jealousy isn’t about wishing ill on others. It’s about longing for what you’ve lost.
- These feelings are common among bereaved parents, even if they’re rarely discussed.
- Jealousy doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s a natural response to loss.
Ways to Combat Jealousy
- Identify the root of your feelings. Usually, it’s not about others, but about your own pain and desires.
- Focus on healing yourself. Consider what you need to move forward, whether it’s support, time, or planning for the future.
- Communicate openly with your partner and close friends about your feelings.
- Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to process these emotions without judgment.
- Remember that while the pain of loss is permanent, the intensity of jealousy often fades with time.
Dealing with jealousy after baby loss can be challenging, but it’s a normal part of the grieving process. Be patient with yourself, seek support when needed, and remember that you’re not alone in these feelings. With time and self-compassion, you can navigate through this difficult emotion and find peace.
If you’re struggling with baby loss and need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. visit jennifersenn.com for more resources and to book a free Support Call.