Grief comes in many forms, but some types of loss are less visible and acknowledged by society. Dr. Tracey Steady Hardcastle, an acupuncturist and coach who specializes in helping women cope with childlessness and pregnancy loss, discusses the concept of “disenfranchised grief” and how it impacts those struggling with infertility and baby loss.
What is Disenfranchised Grief?
Disenfranchised grief occurs when a loss is not acknowledged or validated by society. Pregnancy loss and childlessness often fall into this category. As Dr. Hardcastle explains:
“People experience this in a lot of different ways, but a lot of them, it’s around a lack of support and it’s almost like people don’t understand that it’s a loss because sometimes there’s nothing tangible that they can see that was lost.”
This lack of acknowledgment can leave grieving individuals feeling isolated and misunderstood. Their pain is very real, but those around them may not recognize the depth of their loss.
The Hormonal Impact of Pregnancy Loss
Dr. Hardcastle highlights how pregnancy loss affects both emotions and hormones:
“I don’t know how it’s possible to not have hormonal issues after a loss like that, just physiologically, if you look at what happens in the body…You just have a crash in hormones at the same time that you’re suffering from such a horrible loss.”
This combination of grief and hormonal changes can be overwhelming. She recommends seeking support through multiple avenues – therapy, medical care, acupuncture, etc. – to address both the emotional and physical impacts.
Navigating Social Interactions
For those struggling with childlessness or pregnancy loss, even simple social interactions can become painful. Dr. Hardcastle offers advice for handling questions about children:
- It’s okay to simply answer “None” if asked about kids
- You don’t owe anyone details about your losses
- Have follow-up questions ready to redirect the conversation
- Consider explaining you’re dealing with disenfranchised grief
She emphasizes that you get to choose who to share your story with. Your losses are precious and you can be selective about discussing them.
Finding Support and Healing
Dr. Hardcastle stresses the importance of finding others who understand your experience:
“The not being alone in it is everything…You have an entire army of women who have been through what you’ve been through. Only people haven’t been talking about it.”
She recommends:
- Identifying your inner circle of trusted support
- Being direct with healthcare providers about your struggles
- Connecting with others who’ve had similar losses
- Using clear language to explain your grief to others
While society may not always validate these losses, Dr. Hardcastle’s work aims to create more awareness and support. By speaking openly about disenfranchised grief, we can help those suffering feel less alone in their pain.
Find out more about her at https://linktr.ee/drsteadyhardcastle
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