After experiencing the loss of a baby, many women struggle with feeling disconnected from their bodies and their partners. To shed light on this sensitive topic, we spoke with Kate Carson, a love, sex, and relationship coach specializing in supporting women and couples after baby loss.
Disembodiment After Loss
Kate shares that one of the most common issues she sees is a sense of disembodiment – feeling at odds with one’s own body after losing a baby. This can manifest as:
- Feeling like you want to “unzip” your body and float away
- Self-hatred for your body “building a broken baby”
- Difficulty experiencing pleasure of any kind
This disconnection from the body can make healing and reconnecting with a partner challenging.
Navigating Intimacy
When it comes to intimacy after loss, Kate notes two common responses:
- Leaning heavily into physical intimacy (about 15% of women)
- Backing away from physical touch entirely (about 85% of women)
For those who do return to sex, it’s often driven by a desire to get pregnant again rather than for pleasure or connection. Kate emphasizes the importance of allowing yourself to feel good again, even though it can be scary.
Reconnecting with Your Partner
To reconnect with your partner after loss, Kate suggests:
- Let go of what’s not yours – don’t take on your partner’s fears or reactions as your own
- Trust yourself and your grief process
- Notice what makes you feel more connected vs. disconnected, and do more of what connects you
- Get your needs met, even if it’s not always from your partner
Grief vs. Depression
Kate explains that grief moves like waves, while depression sinks and becomes number. If you’re experiencing depression symptoms, seek help from a mental health professional.
Final Thoughts on Intimacy
Remember:
- Long dry spells are normal and don’t mean you’re broken
- It’s never too late to rediscover intimacy and pleasure
- Your relationship is worth investing in, whether that means taking a break or seeking support
If you’re struggling with intimacy or reconnecting after loss, know that you’re not alone. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult journey.
For more information or support, visit Kate Carson’s website at nightbloomcoaching.com.
To schedule a free Support Call with Jennifer Senn visit her website at https://jennifersenn.com
