The holiday season can be particularly challenging for those who have experienced baby loss. As we approach Thanksgiving, a time traditionally filled with gratitude and joy, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone feels thankful or celebratory. This is especially true for parents who have recently lost a child.
As someone who has been through this heart-wrenching experience, I want to share my story of my first Thanksgiving after losing my twin girls at 32 weeks, and offer some advice for others who may be facing a similar situation.
My First Thanksgiving After Loss
Just ten days after planning and hosting a funeral for my babies, I found myself sitting at my sister-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. I was still recovering from a C-section, dealing with postpartum physical challenges, and overwhelmed with grief. Despite my reluctance to attend, I gave in to family pressure and went.
The experience was devastating. While surrounded by loved ones, I felt more alone than ever. I struggled to find anything to be thankful for and felt disconnected from the festivities around me. This experience left emotional scars that took years to heal.
5 Tips for Coping with Thanksgiving After Baby Loss
Based on my experience and what I’ve learned since then, here are five tips for navigating Thanksgiving after baby loss:
- Listen to your intuition: Your body and mind will tell you what you need. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what you’re willing and able to do.
- It’s okay to decline invitations: If attending gatherings feels overwhelming, give yourself permission to say no. You can also negotiate a shorter attendance time if that feels more manageable.
- Find ways to include your baby’s memory: Consider placing symbolic items like special candles or flowers to represent your baby. Don’t be afraid to say their name and talk about them.
- Create new traditions: This is an opportunity to establish new meaningful customs that honor your changed perspective on life.
- Seek support from those who understand: Connect with others who have experienced baby loss. They can offer invaluable support and understanding that even well-meaning family members might not be able to provide.
Remember, it’s okay if you’re not feeling thankful this Thanksgiving. Give yourself grace and time to heal in your own way, without pressure from others to feel or act a certain way. Your feelings are valid, and your grief is significant.
If you’re struggling this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. Reach out for support when you need it, and remember that healing is a journey, not a destination.
About the Author:
Jennifer Senn is a grief coach for moms of stillborn babies, founder of Navigating Baby Loss, host of a podcast by the same name, and a speaker. Visit her website at jennifersenn.com to learn more and schedule a free support call
