Pregnancy loss is a deeply personal and often isolating experience. For parents who already have children, the challenge of navigating their own grief while supporting their kids can be overwhelming. In a recent interview, we spoke with Amy Watson, a life after pregnancy loss coach, about her experiences and advice for parents in this difficult situation.
Amy’s Story
Amy shared her journey of loss, which began nearly 10 years ago. After having four daughters in six years, Amy was expecting her fifth girl. At 39.5 weeks, during a routine check, they discovered her daughter, Lauren, had no heartbeat. Amy and her family had to quickly transition from anticipating a joyous birth to planning a burial.
A few years later, Amy experienced another loss at 14 weeks with a baby they named River. These experiences shaped her approach to parenting and eventually led her to become a coach supporting others through pregnancy loss.
Talking to Children About Loss
One of the biggest challenges parents face after a loss is explaining the situation to their other children. Amy offers several key pieces of advice:
- Be patient with yourself: There’s no perfect way to handle this situation.
- Allow yourself to show emotion: It’s okay for your children to see you sad or crying.
- Be honest and use clear language: Avoid euphemisms that might confuse children.
- Answer questions simply and directly: It’s okay to say “I don’t know” if you’re unsure.
- Allow children to express their own thoughts and feelings: Ask them what they think instead of always providing answers.
Amy emphasizes the importance of being open about the loss and not hiding it from children. This openness allows kids to process their own emotions and understand that it’s okay to feel sad.
Helping Children Remember
Amy suggests giving children tangible items to remember their siblings, such as stuffed animals, blankets, or memory boxes. Her family, has shadow boxes for Lauren and River in their living room, keeping their memory present in everyday life.
Long-Term Impact on Children
While the loss is undoubtedly difficult, Amy believes her children have learned valuable lessons about empathy, service, and resilience. They’ve participated in projects to help other families experiencing loss and have seen how challenges can lead to personal growth and even new career paths.
Finding Support
Amy stresses the importance of seeking help if you’re struggling to navigate this situation. There are resources available, including children’s grief specialists, therapists, and coaches who can provide guidance.
Life After Loss
While the grief of pregnancy loss is profound, Amy wants parents to know that life does get better. It’s possible to honor the memory of your lost baby while still finding joy and purpose in life.
For those seeking support, Amy offers resources through her website, smoothstonescoaching.com, including a free course on dealing with self-blame after loss. She also hosts a podcast called “Smooth Stones” that covers various aspects of life after baby loss.
Remember, there’s no one right way to navigate this journey. Be patient with yourself and your family, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you need it.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
