In this episode of the Navigating Baby Loss podcast, host Jennifer Sen interviews Carmen Grover, author of “A Diary to My Babies: Journeying Through Pregnancy Loss.” Carmen shares her personal story of loss, her journey to writing, and how journaling became a powerful tool in her healing process.
Carmen’s Story
Carmen is a mother to 10 babies – three living children and seven angel babies. Her losses include five early miscarriages and two later-term losses at 24 weeks. It was her loss of baby Jude in August 2020 that inspired her to compile her journal entries into a book.
The Power of Journaling
For Carmen, journaling became an accidental coping mechanism after her first loss. She found herself running to her laptop to write a letter beginning with “Dear Baby.” This practice continued with each pregnancy, whether the baby was born or lost.
Carmen’s journaling process:
- She started each entry with “Dear Baby.”
- Writing allowed her to be honest with herself without worrying about others’ reactions.
- She wrote in a stream of consciousness style, not worrying about perfection.
- Entries varied in frequency – sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes weeks apart.
- She always wrote on the anniversary of each baby’s birth or loss.
Benefits of Journaling Through Loss
Carmen found several benefits to her journaling practice:
- It served as a form of self-therapy.
- It allowed her to process her grief privately.
- Reading past entries showed her personal growth over time.
- Annual entries on loss anniversaries helped her check in with her grief process.
- Writing often led to unexpected insights or signs from her babies.
Advice for Aspiring Journalers
For those who want to start journaling but aren’t sure how, Carmen suggests:
- Start with “Dear Baby” if you’re stuck.
- Ask yourself questions like “What am I thinking?”, “What am I feeling?”, “What am I doing?”, “What am I fearing?”, “What am I hoping for?”, or “What am I dreaming of?”
- Don’t force it – write when the spirit moves you.
- Consider writing on significant dates, like loss anniversaries.
Hope After Multiple Losses
Carmen emphasizes the importance of holding onto hope, even through multiple losses. She acknowledges that everyone’s journey is different and that there’s no one-size-fits-all advice. However, she believes that continuing to hope – whether for another baby or simply for a sign from your lost little ones – can be a powerful force in the healing process.
The Journey to Publishing
Carmen’s personal journals eventually became the basis for her book. With encouragement from her husband and editing help from her aunt, she pursued publication. Despite initial rejections, she found a women’s press that embraced her niche topic.
Carmen’s book, “A Diary to My Babies: Journeying Through Pregnancy Loss,” is now available on Amazon and through Demeter Press. She sees the book as a beautiful memoir honoring all of her babies – a gift she never anticipated when she first began writing.
For those interested in learning more about Carmen and her book, you can find her on Instagram at @diarytoourbabies or reach out via email.
Remember, whether through journaling, art, or other means, finding a way to express and process your grief is an important part of the healing journey after baby loss. Carmen’s story shows how personal reflections can not only aid in healing but also potentially help others going through similar experiences.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
