In this episode of the Navigating Baby Loss podcast, host Jennifer Sen interviews Suzanne Jabbour, a grief educator and coach who lost her 22-year-old son, Ben, in September 2020. Suzanne shares her experience with grief and offers valuable insights on how to navigate the complex journey of loss.
The Unique Nature of Child Loss
Suzanne emphasizes that losing a child is unlike any other grief experience. While we grow up expecting to lose our parents someday, the loss of a child goes against our natural expectations. It not only involves the loss of the person but also a significant loss of self and future dreams.
Insights on Grief
- Normalizing Grief: Suzanne stresses the importance of normalizing grief as a healthy response to loss. It’s a part of life that we all experience, yet we often lack the tools to navigate it effectively.
- Fear and Isolation: Many people distance themselves from grievers out of fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. This fear leads to isolation for those experiencing loss.
- The Power of Honesty: Some of the most comforting things people said to Suzanne were simple admissions of not knowing what to say or how to help.
- Witnessing Grief: The universal need in grieving is to be seen and have one’s pain acknowledged.
- Avoiding Comparison: Suzanne emphasizes that comparing grief experiences is unhelpful. All losses matter and deserve acknowledgment.
Practical Advice for Supporting Grievers
- Avoid Clichés: If it sounds like something your aunt might have said at a funeral, it’s probably best to avoid it.
- Express Your Feelings: It’s okay to say, “This is terrible” or “I hate that you’re going through this.”
- Be Present: Show up consistently for the griever, even if you don’t know what to say or do.
- Remember Important Dates: Mark anniversaries and birthdays in your calendar to reach out to the griever.
- Offer Practical Help: Instead of casseroles, ask what specific help they need.
Navigating Life After Loss
Suzanne shares how she and her family have found ways to include Ben’s memory in their lives:
- “Revisit and Reclaim” Trips: They visit places they loved with Ben, deciding how to incorporate these locations into their new reality.
- Purposeful Planning: They consciously plan how to acknowledge Ben’s absence at future events, like his sister’s wedding.
- Honoring Traditions: They find ways to include Ben’s likes and interests in their activities, such as a champagne tasting on his birthday during a trip.
The Importance of Embracing Grief
Suzanne emphasizes the need to embrace grief fully:
- Allow All Emotions: Be okay with the horror, devastation, and range of emotions that come with grief.
- Find Safe Spaces: Identify people or places where you can express your grief freely.
- Face It to Move Through It: Contrary to fear, fully facing grief is the only way to start integrating it into your life.
Suzanne encourages grievers to hold onto hope and find ways to carry their loved ones with them. She reminds us that grief is “the uninvited visitor no one ever wanted and is here to stay,” but by embracing it, we can learn to dance with this uninvited guest.
For more resources and information from Suzanne, visit her website at https://suzannejabour.com/
Remember, there’s no “right” way to grieve. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate this challenging journey.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
