As a mother who has experienced the heartbreak of stillbirth and now the loss of my own mother, I’ve gained new insights into the lifelong journey of grief. I want to share these revelations with you, hoping they’ll bring comfort and perspective to those navigating their own losses.
The Lingering Impact of Unprocessed Grief
Recently, while saying goodbye to my mother, I witnessed a powerful moment that illuminated the lasting effects of unprocessed grief. My father, at 78 years old, still carried the regret of not having a picture of their stillborn daughter from 58 years ago. This moment crystallized for me the importance of addressing grief head-on, rather than suppressing it.
My parents’ experience with loss shaped their entire approach to life. They prioritized security and predictability, unknowingly passing on a fear-based worldview to their children. This realization reinforced my mission to help others process their grief in healthier ways.
Similarities in Grief Experiences
Losing my mother brought back many of the same thoughts and feelings I experienced after losing my twins. The disbelief that the world continues turning while your own has stopped, the brain fog, the inability to focus – these are universal experiences in profound grief.
However, this time, I was better equipped to navigate these feelings. I’ve learned that grief becomes a part of you, but it doesn’t have to control you.
Breaking the Cycle of Suffering
Many people remain stuck in their grief, fearing that moving forward means forgetting their lost loved ones or diminishing their love. But I’ve learned that healing is not only possible but necessary. It doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding a way to carry your love and memories forward while still embracing life.
Lessons from My Mother
My mother taught me about grief and motherhood throughout her life, but her passing taught me perhaps the most important lesson: life isn’t meant to be lived safely. When you love deeply, the pain can be immense, but the potential for healing and growth is even greater.
A Call to Heal
To those struggling with loss, I urge you to be willing to heal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but don’t let it extinguish your spark for life. Seek out people who can sit with you in your pain without trying to fix it. Learn to use your pain as a teacher, leading you to personal growth and transformation.
Moving Forward
This Mother’s Day will be my first without my mother or my daughters. It’s a strange and difficult place to be. But I’m choosing to use this experience to help others. I’m hosting a free “Coffee and Coping” session on Mother’s Day for baby loss moms to come together, share experiences, and develop strategies for navigating this challenging day.
Remember, you are a mother, regardless of whether you have living children. Motherhood comes in many forms, and your love and nurturing spirit define you, not the presence or absence of a child.
As I re-enter this space with renewed purpose, I hope my story offers you hope and perspective. Life will inevitably bring more grief, but with the right tools and support, we can navigate loss with grace and emerge stronger on the other side.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
