When a family experiences the loss of a baby, it’s not just the parents who grieve. Older siblings also need support and guidance to navigate this difficult time. We spoke with Arianne Sroubek, a school psychologist and author, who shared her personal experience and professional insights on helping children cope with the loss of a sibling.
Arianne’s Story
Arianne lost her second daughter, Noemi, shortly after birth due to complications from group B strep pneumonia. At the time, her older daughter was almost four years old and expecting news of her sister’s birth. Instead, she had to be told about Noemi’s death.
Key Insights for Parents
- Should children meet their deceased sibling? Experts now recommend allowing children to see their sibling if possible. However, parents should consider factors such as the baby’s appearance and the child’s wishes. It’s crucial to prepare children for what they’ll see and be honest about the experience.
- Involve children in grief rituals Allowing children to participate in funerals and other grief rituals can help them feel supported and understand the situation better. Provide an “out” if they feel overwhelmed.
- Be open about unanswered questions It’s okay to admit when you don’t have all the answers. This helps children learn to live with uncertainty and see that their parents are human too.
- Communicate openly Research shows that children who communicate openly with their families about loss tend to cope better and develop deeper family relationships.
- Consider displaying photos Having pictures of the deceased sibling can help normalize the loss and provide tangible evidence of the child’s role as a sibling. However, be sensitive to your child’s feelings about displaying photos.
- Understand that grief is developmental Children’s understanding of loss will change as they grow. Be prepared for ongoing conversations and new questions over time.
- Use books and media Age-appropriate books, movies, and art can help facilitate discussions about loss and provide emotional distance for processing difficult feelings.
- Seek professional help if needed If you’re concerned about your child’s grief response, don’t hesitate to consult with a healthcare provider or child therapist.
Positive Outcomes
While losing a sibling is undoubtedly traumatic, research shows that children who experience such loss often develop increased compassion, goal-orientation, and a deeper appreciation for life. Many historical figures, including Eleanor Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln, experienced sibling loss and drew strength from it.
Remember, you don’t have to be a perfect parent to help your child through this difficult time. Being present, loving, and attentive is what matters most. There is hope, even in the darkest moments, and both you and your children can emerge from this experience with resilience and strength.
You can find out more about Ariane and purchase her book here- https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Sunshine-Parenting-Through-Aftermath/dp/B0CJ485QBZ
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
