As someone who has experienced the heartbreaking loss of my twin girls to stillbirth, I understand the complex emotions that arise when a friend announces their pregnancy or, tragically, experiences a loss. This blog post aims to guide those supporting loved ones through pregnancy loss, whether you’ve experienced it yourself or not.
The Reality of Pregnancy Loss:
It’s important to recognize that pregnancy loss is more common than many realize. Statistics show that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and 1 in 100 result in stillbirth. These numbers underscore the importance of being prepared to support those around us.
My Personal Experience:
Two months after losing my twins, my friend Ashley announced her pregnancy. While I painted on a happy face, I struggled with mixed emotions of excitement and jealousy. Unfortunately, Ashley later experienced a loss at 16 weeks, leaving me with a complex mix of emotions, including guilt and heartbreak for her.
How to Support Someone Suffering a Loss:
- Avoid Insensitive Comments:
Be mindful of what you say. Those who have experienced loss are often acutely aware of potentially hurtful comments. - Reach Out:
Don’t stay silent out of fear. Simple messages like “I’m sorry,” “I’m here to listen,” or “I’ve been thinking about you” can mean a lot. - Use the Baby’s Name:
Acknowledge the baby’s existence by using their name when reaching out. - Share Your Story:
If you’ve experienced loss, sharing your story can provide comfort and a sense of connection. - Offer Practical Help:
Instead of asking what they need, take initiative. Drop off groceries, offer to watch their other children, or help with everyday tasks. - Give a Thoughtful Gift:
A meaningful keepsake or memory gift can provide comfort and show that you remember their baby. - Have Compassion for Yourself:
If you’re supporting a friend while dealing with your own loss, allow yourself to feel and process your emotions.
Supporting a friend through pregnancy loss is challenging, especially if you’ve experienced it yourself. Remember, your understanding and support can be a lifeline for someone navigating this difficult journey. By showing up with compassion and practical help, you can make a significant difference in their healing process
About the Author:
Jennifer Senn is a Coach for Stillbirth Moms who helps them lose the guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their lives. Visit her website at www.jennifersenn.com for more information and support.
