Breaking the Silence on Pregnancy Loss
In a society where pregnancy is often celebrated with baby showers and gender reveal parties, the topic of pregnancy loss remains shrouded in silence. Author Eileen Rosete aims to change this with her upcoming book, “To Tend and to Hold: Honoring Our Bodies, Our Needs, and Our Grief Through Pregnancy and Infant Loss.” In an exclusive interview, Rosete shares her personal experiences and the inspiration behind her groundbreaking work.
A Common Yet Unspoken Experience
Rosete’s journey began at 29 when she conceived her first living child. “Soon after that, I experienced two early miscarriages. Two early pregnancy losses is how I like to refer to it now,” she explains. Her story, while deeply personal, echoes the experiences of countless women around the world.
“It’s a very common story of finding out at the first of what I expected to be many prenatal visits that there was no longer a heartbeat,” Rosete shares. This commonality underscores the need for more open discussions and better support systems for those experiencing pregnancy loss.
The Impact of Compassionate Care
Rosete’s experiences highlight the crucial role healthcare providers play in supporting women through pregnancy loss. She recounts a particularly poignant moment with her doctor during her first loss:
“The Dr. delivered the news that there was no heartbeat and just stood there. She looked at me as I began to wail. I folded over weeping, and she stood there so calm, so grounded,” Rosete recalls. This doctor’s presence and compassion left a lasting impact, demonstrating the power of empathetic healthcare.
Systemic Gaps in Pregnancy Loss Care
However, not all experiences are as positive. Rosete points out a significant gap in medical education and training when it comes to pregnancy loss. “There really is no standardized training for all kinds of healing and health practitioners who work with pregnancy,” she notes.
Healthcare providers are often ill-equipped to handle the emotional complexities of pregnancy loss, potentially worsening the trauma.
From Vision to Reality: The Birth of “To Tend and to Hold”
The inspiration for Rosete’s book came from a powerful vision. “I very clearly saw a group of women standing around a small body of water. It was nighttime,but you could see this glow of soft candlelight floating on the water,” she describes.
This vision led to a series of events, including hosting dinners for women who had experienced pregnancy loss. These gatherings became the foundation for her book, which aims to create a space where women can feel “seen, held, and honored” in their grief.
Introducing Self-Tending: A Gentle Approach to Healing
A key concept in Rosete’s book is “self-tending,” which she describes as a gentler, more sacred approach to self-care. “Self-tending to me can be as simple as taking a moment to wash your face before you start your day,” she explains.
This approach acknowledges the challenges of self-care during grief and encourages small, manageable acts of self-nurturing. “Some days for me, it’s doing child’s pose for three breaths,” Rosete shares, emphasizing the importance of finding moments of peace amidst the chaos of daily life.
The Power of Language and Rituals
Rosete’s book also addresses the importance of language in discussing pregnancy loss. She provides various options for describing the experience, allowing women to choose words that feel right for them. Additionally, she emphasizes the healing power of rituals in the grieving process.
A Call for Change
Through her work, Rosete aims to challenge the status quo in pregnancy loss care. “Things are not necessarily made or the way things are now are not necessarily what we deserve,” she asserts. Her book serves as both a guide for those experiencing loss and a call to action for improved support and understanding in healthcare and society at large.
As “To Tend and to Hold” prepares for its October 22 release, it promises to be more than just a book. It’s a beacon of hope, a source of comfort, and a catalyst for change in how we approach and discuss pregnancy loss. Eileen Rosete’s work reminds us that by breaking the silence, we can begin to heal and honor the complex journey of pregnancy and infant loss.
Find out more and pre-order the book here- https://www.amazon.com/Tend-Hold-Honoring-Through-Pregnancy/dp/1683648951/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
And follow Eileen on Instagram- @oursacredwomen
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.