Pregnancy after loss is a journey filled with complex emotions, fears, and hopes. Aspen, a clinical social worker who has experienced this firsthand, shares her story and offers insights to help others navigate this challenging path.
A Heartbreaking Beginning
In February 2019, Aspen and her husband, Mark welcomed their first child, Otis, into the world. Everything seemed perfect until, just 24 hours after bringing him home, Otis stopped breathing while breastfeeding. Despite Mark’s efforts as a paramedic to resuscitate him, Otis passed away a few days later.
The Decision to Try Again
Surprisingly, even as they were preparing to take Otis off life support, Aspen knew she wanted to try for another child. This decision came from a place of hope and a desire to experience parenthood fully. Within months, they were pregnant again.
Navigating Pregnancy After Loss
Aspen’s experience highlights several key aspects of pregnancy after loss:
1. Acknowledging fears: It’s normal to experience anxiety and fear during a subsequent pregnancy. Aspen often found herself planning her unborn child’s funeral when she couldn’t feel movement.
2. Self-compassion: She learned to be gentle with herself, acknowledging her fears without judgment. This approach helped her manage anxiety without letting it consume her.
3. Reality checks: When anxiety struck, Aspen reminded herself that her current pregnancy was separate from her previous experience. This helped ground her in the present.
4. Adapting to needs: She discovered that having her newborn sleep in her own room earlier than most parents would consider actually reduced her anxiety, allowing her to parent more effectively.
Bonding with a Rainbow Baby
While Aspen didn’t struggle to bond with her daughter Lenara, she did experience heightened anxiety about her well-being. It’s important to recognize that every parent’s experience is unique, and there’s no “right” way to feel or bond.1.
Coping Strategies
Aspen and Mark developed several coping strategies:
- Dark humor: They found that using humor, even if others found it uncomfortable, helped them cope with their loss and subsequent pregnancy.
- Professional help: Aspen sought therapy specifically tailored to her situation, which proved invaluable.
- Yoga: Physical practice became an essential part of her healing journey.
Talking About Loss
When asked about how many children she has, Aspen considers the context. For fleeting encounters, she might only mention her living child. For more meaningful connections, she’s open about her loss. She emphasizes that it’s okay to make others slightly uncomfortable – it raises awareness about pregnancy loss.
Moving Forward
As a clinical social worker, Aspen is now starting a private practice focused on helping women who’ve experienced pregnancy or infant loss. By combining therapy, yoga, and her personal experience, she hopes to provide the support she wishes she’d had during her journey.
Aspen’s story reminds us that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve or navigate pregnancy after loss. Each journey is unique, and it’s okay to approach it in whatever way feels right for the individual.
For those on this journey, Aspen’s message is clear: you’re not alone. Reach out for support, be kind to yourself, and hold onto hope. Your story isn’t over – it’s just taking a different path than initially expected.
You can learn more about Aspen on Instagram: @the_therapist_in_my_head
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
