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80: Breaking the Cycle of Guilt: How to Let Go After Stillbirth

guilt after stillbirth

Breaking the Cycle of Guilt: How to Let Go After Stillbirth

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and if you’ve experienced the tragedy of stillbirth, it’s a feeling you may be all too familiar with. As a stillbirth mom myself, I know how overwhelming it can be. In this post, I want to share some of my personal experiences with guilt and the strategies that helped me and can help you too, release it.

My Story: Guilt After the Loss of My Twins

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was shocked. I remember looking at the sonogram and immediately knowing there were two babies instead of one. I had already had two boys, so I knew what a single pregnancy looked like. The surprise was overwhelming, and as soon as I got to the car, I cried—tears of shock and fear, not just joy.

Even though I eventually became excited about having twins, after I lost them, that initial moment of fear kept replaying in my mind. I blamed myself. I wondered if somehow my hesitation or stress during that moment contributed to their deaths. Did my fear cause something to go wrong? Did I not love them enough from the start? These thoughts haunted me, and I carried that guilt for a long time.

But over time, I began to challenge these thoughts. I had to face the reality of what really happened. There were medical reasons for their loss that were out of my control. It wasn’t my fault, and the same is true for you. If you’re feeling guilty, I want you to know that you didn’t cause your baby’s death. You deserve to release that guilt and find peace.

Why Guilt Happens After Stillbirth

Guilt is a natural response after loss because our brains are wired to make sense of tragedy. When we can’t find answers, we often turn on ourselves, wondering, “What did I do wrong?” or “If only I had done something differently, maybe my baby would still be here.”

For me, the guilt revolved around my reaction to finding out I was carrying twins. I thought that maybe because I cried, or because I was scared, it somehow sent a signal to my body that led to their loss. But here’s the reality: things happen that are beyond our control. The world we live in is imperfect, and sometimes the reasons for stillbirth have nothing to do with anything we did or didn’t do.

It’s easy to focus on the “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, but guilt often clouds the truth of what really happened. The truth is that most stillbirths occur for reasons that have nothing to do with us. You could have done everything “right,” and still, it might not have changed the outcome.

Revisiting the Facts of Your Loss

One of the most powerful steps you can take in breaking the cycle of guilt is revisiting the facts of your loss. When I work with clients, we sit down and go over what really happened. I’ve never had a client who, after going through the facts, can still hold on to the belief that the loss was their fault.

Ask yourself: what do you know for sure? What are the medical reasons for your baby’s loss? What can you verify as truth, versus what your guilt is making you believe? Writing these things down can help you see your situation more clearly. When I did this exercise, I realized that my initial shock over having twins didn’t cause their stillbirth—there were medical reasons that I couldn’t have predicted or prevented. Once I acknowledged that, the guilt began to loosen its hold on me.

Releasing Your Guilt Through Action

After revisiting the facts, the next step is to actively release your guilt. One powerful way to do this is through writing. Grab a piece of paper and write down everything that’s making you feel guilty. Be honest and raw—write the things you wouldn’t dare say out loud. Once you’ve written it all down, throw the paper away or, if it’s safe, burn it.

This act of physically letting go can be incredibly healing. It’s a reminder that those thoughts don’t control you anymore. As much as we might wish we could rewind time and change things, we can’t. But what we can do is choose to release the guilt and focus on healing.

Talking It Out: Another Step in Letting Go

Another important step in releasing guilt is talking about it. Whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or a therapist, speaking your feelings out loud can help you gain perspective. For me, talking to my husband about my guilt helped me realize how irrational my thoughts were. Saying them out loud made me realize how much I was holding onto something that didn’t align with reality.

You might also want to talk to your doctor. They can provide medical insight and reassure you that nothing you did caused your baby’s death. As difficult as it may be to talk about, having that reassurance from a trusted professional can help you let go of any misplaced guilt.

Be Gentle with Yourself

As you move forward, I want you to remember to be gentle with yourself. Guilt is so common for stillbirth moms, but that doesn’t mean you have to carry it forever. Feel the guilt, process it, but then remind yourself that it’s not your fault. You deserve peace. Your baby’s death was not something you caused, and you are worthy of healing.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re ready to begin releasing the guilt and finding peace after your loss, I’m here to help. I offer free support sessions where we can talk through your feelings and work on releasing the guilt together. You don’t have to go through this alone, and healing is possible.

Click [here] to schedule your free support session today. I’ve been where you are, and I’ve helped many moms just like you find hope again.


Guilt is a heavy burden, but you don’t have to carry it forever. You are worthy of healing, and your baby would want that for you. Let’s take that step together.


Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at  jennifersenn.com.

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