The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, gratitude, and celebration. But for parents grieving the loss of a baby, it can feel anything but cheerful. The bright lights, festive music, and family gatherings can become painful reminders of what’s missing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and I know how heavy this time of year can feel.
I’ll never forget my first Thanksgiving after losing my twins. It was just two weeks after their loss, and while no one expected me to be joyful, I felt a deep sense of guilt for how I truly felt. I knew I should be thankful—thankful for my two healthy little boys, thankful to be past the hospital ordeal—but I wasn’t. I felt empty. That Thanksgiving, I went through the motions for the sake of my family, but I remember sitting at the table feeling like I was in an out-of-body experience. I just kept thinking, How am I going to get through this?
If this sounds familiar, know that it’s okay to feel this way. The holidays can be incredibly triggering, especially when you’re carrying the weight of grief. Here are some insights, stories, and tips to help you navigate this season in a way that feels right for you.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Harder After Loss
Holidays are centered around themes of togetherness, joy, and celebration, but for grieving parents, they can feel like a spotlight on what’s missing. Everywhere you turn, there are reminders of children, family, and the expectations to be happy.
Studies show that rates of anxiety and depression spike during the holiday season, and for parents who have experienced a stillbirth or baby loss, those feelings can be even more intense. The pressure to “join in the festivities” can leave you feeling even more isolated in your grief. It’s okay to admit that this time of year is hard. Grief doesn’t follow a calendar, and you don’t have to pretend to be okay just because it’s the holidays.
Stories of Moms Who Found Their Own Way
You’re not alone in this. Many moms have shared their experiences of navigating the holidays after loss, and their stories can offer inspiration and hope.
Sarah’s Candle Ritual
Sarah lost her daughter just a few months before her first Christmas without her. The idea of attending large family gatherings felt overwhelming, so she set boundaries and declined a few invitations. Instead, she created a small ritual: lighting a candle every night and playing a special song that reminded her of her daughter. That simple act gave her a sense of peace and a way to hold space for her grief amidst the holiday chaos.
Amanda’s Memorial Stocking
Amanda lost her son earlier in the year, and Christmas had always been her favorite holiday. This time, she felt torn between avoiding everything and trying to honor her son’s memory. She decided to hang a special stocking with his name on it and filled it with love notes from herself and her family. On Christmas morning, they read the notes together. The ritual didn’t erase her pain, but it brought her comfort and reminded her that her son would always be part of their family.
My Family’s Ornament Tradition
Every year, my family and I hang an ornament with my twins’ names and birthdate on our tree. It’s a small ceremony, but it’s meaningful. Looking at that ornament every day during the season helps us feel connected to them, even in their absence. It’s a way to honor their memory and include them in our holiday traditions.
Practical Tips for Navigating the Holidays
The most important thing to remember is that there’s no “right” way to handle the holidays after loss. What matters most is doing what feels right for you. Here are some suggestions:
- Say No Without Guilt
If attending holiday events feels too overwhelming, it’s okay to decline. Your emotional well-being comes first. One mom shared how liberating it was to politely say, “I just can’t make it this year,” and take that time for herself. You deserve to protect your heart. - Create New Rituals
Find meaningful ways to honor your baby. Whether it’s lighting a candle, hanging a special ornament, or donating in their name, small acts of remembrance can bring comfort. My family shops for children in need who are the same age as my twins would have been, and it always feels like a beautiful way to give back in their honor. - Let Go of Guilt
You don’t have to be happy just because the calendar says it’s time to celebrate. If you feel sad, angry, or empty, that’s okay. Let yourself feel those emotions without judgment. Grief doesn’t disappear just because it’s the holiday season, and that doesn’t make you ungrateful or unkind—it makes you human.
Finding Support During the Holidays
Navigating the holidays without the right support can feel incredibly lonely. Friends and family may mean well, but they often don’t fully understand the depth of grief after baby loss. Seeking support from someone who truly gets it can make all the difference. Whether it’s through a grief coach, a support group, or trusted resources, you don’t have to carry this burden alone.
Free Resources and Upcoming Workshop
To help you navigate this season, I’ve created a free guide: 20 Ideas to Honor Your Baby During the Holidays. You can download it instantly at jennifersenn.com/holiday. It’s filled with ideas to help you find meaningful ways to remember your baby.
I’m also hosting a 90-minute workshop on December 5th at 11 AM EST called Surviving the Season. Together, we’ll create a plan to navigate holiday triggers, set boundaries, and find small ways to bring peace into your season. You’ll even learn exactly how to say “no” to invitations without guilt. Learn more and sign up at jennifersenn.com/workshop.
You Are Not Alone
The holidays can feel suffocating when you’re grieving, but you don’t have to face them alone. Whether it’s saying no to an event, creating a ritual, or simply taking quiet moments to yourself, you have permission to navigate the season in the way that feels right for you.
Your grief is valid, your baby is remembered, and you are not alone in this journey.
If you’re struggling this season, I’m here to help. Schedule a complimentary support session with me at jennifersenn.com. Together, we can navigate this season with compassion and grace.
