As we approach the end of another year, it’s a time that can feel incredibly challenging, especially for those of us who have experienced the loss of a baby. It’s a period when emotions run high, and the transition into a new year can bring about unexpected feelings of anxiety and grief. These feelings are often intensified by the societal expectation of a “New Year, New You,” which can feel profoundly invalidating for those grieving.
The Emotional Impact of Year-End
For many lost moms and stillbirth parents, December 31st and January 1st are more than just dates on a calendar. They represent a reminder of the gap left by our babies. The transition to a new year often evokes a fear of leaving our babies behind. This anxiety stems from the silent thief that is time, making us feel like we’re distancing ourselves from those precious memories, hopes, and dreams.
Why This Fear Occurs
The memory of your baby isn’t confined to a single year. While societal pressures may suggest that each new year offers a clean slate or reset, that’s not how grief functions. It’s a continuation of our journey, with our baby’s memory remaining forever a part of who we are. As the new year arises, it may feel like we’re expected to wipe the slate clean, but for those who’ve experienced pregnancy loss or stillbirth, each year does not reset our love or memory.
Carrying Your Baby’s Memory into the New Year
Understanding why we feel this anxiety is the first step. However, moving forward means determining how to bring your baby into the new year in a meaningful way. Here are a few ideas to help you feel more connected as the year changes:
- Start a New Tradition: Consider writing a letter to your baby every New Year’s Day. Tell them about the year past, how old they would be, and share your dreams for them. It’s a beautiful way to feel connected and should be a celebration.
- Create a Tangible Connection: Many find comfort in memorial jewelry or tattoos—something you can touch and see, keeping your child’s memory close. Whether it’s a piece of jewelry or a thoughtful tattoo, let it remind you that they are here with you.
- Acts of Kindness: A powerful way to honor your baby is through acts of kindness or charity in their name. Contributing to organizations that support lost parents can be a gratifying way to spread love.
- Share Their Story: Don’t shy away from speaking your baby’s name and sharing your story. It keeps their memory alive and helps others to understand and respect your journey. Talking about them eases the awkwardness for others and reinforces their presence in your life.
Embracing Your Emotions
It’s important to acknowledge and embrace your feelings—whether it’s sadness, anger, or fear about the new year. Allow yourself the space and time to feel whatever comes. Writing down these feelings or capturing them in letters can be a profound way to process your emotions. Remember to take things one day at a time. If typical New Year’s events feel overwhelming, it’s completely okay to set boundaries and mark the occasion in your own quiet, meaningful way.
Supporting Yourself Through the Journey
Lean heavily on your support systems. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or a group, these connections are vital. Share your thoughts and feelings, allowing others to walk with you through this journey of grief and healing. Know that moving into a new year doesn’t erase your baby’s memory. They are with you in all moments of joy and sorrow. You have the right to grieve and also to hope for a future that integrates all your feelings. As you navigate these emotions and the transition to a new year, remember that you’re not alone. Reach out for support, and be kind to yourself. Your journey is uniquely yours and perfectly tailored to your healing. Thank you for allowing me to walk alongside you on this path. If you would like to connect for one-on-one support, please see the information in the show notes. You are not alone, and I’m sending you compassion and strength as we step into the new year together.
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
