The anniversary of your baby’s due date or stillbirth is one of the hardest milestones after loss. Whether your due date is approaching or has already passed, this day carries the weight of what could have been. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—grief, anger, sadness, and eventually even moments of peace.
I remember my own twins’ due date. It was another cruel blow to realize that the day I once looked forward to with so much excitement had become a painful reminder of everything I had lost. Instead of holding my babies, I was left with unanswered questions and heartbreak. The weeks leading up to that day were overwhelming, filled with anxiety, memories, and a flood of emotions that I struggled to process.
If you are facing your baby’s due date, know that you are not alone. In this blog, we will explore how to prepare emotionally, honor your baby in meaningful ways, and find the support you need to carry you through.
The Build-Up Before Your Due Date or Anniversary
The days and weeks leading up to your baby’s due date can feel like a ticking clock, with each day reminding you of what should have been.
Common emotions you may experience include:
- Anticipatory grief: This can start weeks before the date. Many moms describe it as a grey cloud hanging over them, an overwhelming sense of dread and disbelief.
- Triggers everywhere: Seeing pregnant women, baby shower invitations, or running into others who were pregnant at the same time can be incredibly painful.
- Mixed emotions: Sadness, longing, guilt, and resentment are all normal feelings.
For moms who are pregnant again, this time can be even more complicated. My client Jocelyn found out she was expecting on her baby’s due date, and the guilt of feeling joy while mourning her loss was overwhelming. I personally experienced this too—being pregnant for 17 out of 20 months felt like too much to process.
Three ways to prepare before the day arrives:
- Journal your feelings: Writing about your emotions or even writing a letter to your baby can help release some of the weight you’re carrying.
- Talk about it: Sharing your feelings with someone who will listen can be incredibly healing. My husband and I still reminisce and imagine how life might have been different.
- Plan a self-care day: Whether it’s a massage or simply wrapping yourself in a blanket and binge-watching your favorite show, do what feels right for you.
What to Do When the Day Arrives
When the day finally comes, it can bring a flood of emotions, but remember, you are allowed to grieve in whatever way feels right for you.
How to navigate the day:
- Acknowledge the pain: Give yourself permission to feel sad. You don’t need to be strong for anyone else.
- Honor your baby’s memory:
- Light a candle or plant a tree, purchase a special item of jewelry, or make a donation in their memory.
- Create a memory box with ultrasound photos and keepsakes.
- Write a letter to your baby expressing your love.
- Bake cupcakes and celebrate their memory in your own special way.
- Practice self-compassion:
- Ask for what you need—whether it’s space or support.
- Set boundaries and say no to plans that don’t feel right.
Many moms find that the dread leading up to the day is worse than the day itself. But if it does hit you hard, allow yourself to sit with the pain without judgment.
The Day After: Processing and Moving Forward
The day after can sometimes feel like an emotional hangover.
- Reflect on how you coped: Think about what worked and what didn’t, and consider how you might want to approach the day in the future.
- Let go of guilt: If you found moments of peace or joy, it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means carrying your baby’s love forward.
If your baby’s due date is approaching, I want you to know that you are not alone. This is one of the hardest days to face, but you will get through it, one step at a time.
Please be gentle with yourself, honor your needs, and seek support when you need it. Visit my website for free resources and to schedule a complimentary support session. You don’t have to walk this path alone
Jennifer Senn is a certified life coach who is also a bereaved mom of twin girls born at 32 weeks. She helps stillbirth moms let go of guilt, process their grief, and figure out what’s next for their future. You can learn more about her and schedule a free support session at jennifersenn.com.
